Common Sense Nutrition

 Typical for any professional that works in an industry that is riddled with confusion and contradictions, whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I do, the questions start pouring in. I know this is normal, so I’m not complaining. I actually find it quite amusing. I try to guess in my mind which of the common questions they will ask. I admit that I have fallen into this very same trap when I meet, let’s say, a Pediatrician. I try to slide a concern I have into the conversation very slyly. I have 4 kids so trust me , there’s always a question. I don’t want to be that person though. I mean, I know what it feels like. You’re at a dinner party just trying to relax and have fun on your one night out in 2 weeks and there you are stuck talking about your work all night..again! But it’s like I can’t help myself. There’s some kind of weird gravitational pull. This person has information that I want and need! I could make an appointment and go the traditional route, but why? I have instant access right now.  

So this explains why I am empathetic to the questions I’m asked everywhere I go about food, diets and nutrition. My profession revolves around a necessary commodity (food) and everyone wants to learn how to eat better, lose weight (as quickly as possible) or fight a food allergy. Speaking of food allergies, it’s quite baffling to me how the last 5 years has introduced nearly the entire population to a food allergy, namely gluten. Okay, yes, I am exaggerating, but only because it’s so common these days that it seems to have become the norm. I have explained many times in many forums the concept of a food sensitivity vs. a full blown diagnosed allergy. Yet I still hear, more often than not, that the person I’m speaking to is “allergic to gluten”.

   The reality is that this is a trendy topic right now. The media has put it front and center, portraying gluten as the bad guy and that omitting it from your diet is the miraculous solution to a multitude of issues. So the magic answer for many people is to simply cut gluten out of their diet. Wow..I wish it really was that easy. This goes in line with how things tend to be in our society today. “How little can I do but still get amazing results?”. Minimal effort with maximum results is the recurring theme that I encounter. “Do you think if I cut this one thing out, then everything will be good?”. No, I don’t think so, because the truth is that only a small percentage of us truly cannot consume gluten. For that narrow population, gluten free is important, actually vital, to their overall health and well being. For the rest of us, including me, we need not worry about it. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a weight loss tactic or a “healthier” alternative. It’s simply an ingredient in food. I’ve researched extensively about this and consulted with medical and GI experts. I wanted to make sure I was on the right track before answering people, because this is definitely in the top 3 most common questions I’m asked, “Is gluten free better for you?”.

  Better for who, and better than what I always answer. Because the answer for some is yes, but for others, it’s no. There are too many variables and there’s no one right answer for the masses. For me, more information is always needed to form an educated opinion. What I do always make clear is that gluten free is not a “diet”. Cutting it out of your diet won’t make you lose weight. In fact, many gluten free products are loaded with calories. It may help you feel better...but it may not. Any book, expert or article out there that promises to be a cure all for the masses should be disregarded in my opinion. There’s no plan out there that is right for the entire population. We are all so different, in too many ways to detail. But the bottom line is this: One’s diet must be individualized in order to be sustainable, thus effective. What do I mean? Allow me to say this in a simpler manner because this is the best piece of advice I can offer. You should only follow a diet or eating plan that you can commit to for the long haul or it will not work. You may lose weight in the short term but will end up putting it right back on. This is precisely why so many of you out there are serial dieters, hopping from one plan to the next because most diets are so restrictive that they can’t be followed for more than a short period of time.  I’m always baffled by just how restrictive these fad diets are, with some omitting entire macronutrient categories. That’s just a fancy word for types of food, i.e. protein, carbohydrates and fats. An example of this is the Keto diet (another common topic I’m asked about) which allows absolutely zero carbohydrates. Now, how would this seem like a long term plan that anyone could follow? In my opinion, it’s just setting the dieter up for bitter defeat over the long term. Sure, you could follow it for a few weeks or possibly even months, but it won’t be your long term solution. Quite simply, it’s not sustainable which ultimately translates to gaining the weight back once you quit the plan. It’s not a lifestyle change. It’s just a diet. 

  There must be a better way, right? I believe the answer is emphatically YES. Where things tend to go awry is when the solution offered is the same for everyone. As I mentioned, nutrition must be individualized. It is absolutely impossible for the same diet to be good for every human across the board. Here is the simple truth: As with many things in life, the answer is simple but not easy. By “not easy” I mean that it will require a certain level of discipline. By “simple” I mean that the plan should not be highly restrictive, complicated, expensive or time consuming. Remember, the diet industry is a billion dollar industry. A lot of money is made banking on the fact that many of you will try countless diets looking for “the one”. I’m suggesting that there is no “one”. I simply cannot stress this point enough, there is no one size fits all model for everyone!  I wish the answer for everyone was cutting out one ingredient like Gluten. But it’s not. If you really want to learn what’s best for your body, then commit to the journey, knowing that you ultimately need to make a lifestyle change, not just try another “diet”. There really is no quick fix to optimal health and nutrition, and although someone can guide you, only you can take the first step! You are the master of your body and can take charge anytime you choose. No one should feel powerless. The resources are there, you just have to use some common sense and ask a professional that you trust to point you in the right direction. You can do it!

If you are ready to make that change and need further direction, I’d be happy to help you. Please drop me an email: amy@teamhargett.com

Understanding Character Defects, Part Two:

The saga continues as I give you a glimpse into the craziness I created in my life moving into my twenties. I feel blessed to have the perspective I have today and understand that I wasn’t a bad person, I was a sick person. If you continue to read each part of my story you’ll see what I mean. For now, just continue with part 2…..

So there I was, home for Christmas break, in sunny Rancho Mirage, CA. I was elated to be away from the weather in Michigan, but more than evading the snow, I was happy to evade the tornado that I had created there. I was exhausted from all of the lies and manipulations I crafted on a daily basis. I can recall feeling this sense of relief as soon as I stepped off the airplane in California. On the plane ride there I had carefully rehearsed the dialogue I would soon deliver to my parents and God willing they would behoove me and grant my request to move back home. That was the plan. I thought that if I could just start with a clean slate in a new place, at a new school, then I could organize my life better, focus on my studies more, party less and make friends with a better group of people that wouldn’t be such a bad influence on me. I had pretty well convinced myself that all of my troubles were the result of the shortcomings of those around me, rather than of my own making. Obviously I had just got caught up with the wrong group and “it would never happen again”. This was a recurring message I told myself countless times before and countless times after, for decades yet to come. Unfortunately, whatever I swore off and proclaimed would never happen again, always happened again, and usually to a more severe degree.

Shortly upon my arrival home, my parents asked me to sit down because they had some important news to discuss. I was a little nervous that the news had something to do with me, and that someone must’ve called and reported to them the state of affairs back at my college. But to my great relief, I was totally off base and the meeting had absolutely nothing to do with me. See a small detail that I hadn’t yet realized is that everything in life didn’t have to do with Amy. In my head, the world pretty much revolved around how I was feeling, what I wanted, what I didn’t want, and ultimately what would make me happy. It took me many years to realize that I am just not that important! What was important though was that my parents had announced they were moving to an even more sunny, beautiful place than the desert. In just a matter of months, they were packing up shop and moving to Hawaii. What amazing luck I had! I already had a new game plan in mind based upon this news and quickly tweaked my carefully crafted sob story about why I couldn’t return to college and needed to move home as soon as possible. The only blissful detail that had changed is that “home” would now be in Hawaii. 

I absolutely loved Hawaii and knew that my life would be perfect there.  I grew up going there from a very young age, as my mom owned a travel agency in Los Angeles  that specialized in group travel. We got to tag along on a lot of really amazing trips throughout my childhood. Hawaii was a popular destination for corporate and group travel so we were able to go at least once a year. I was really excited to establish my new life there. I was going to be disciplined, studious, responsible and honest. I would meet the right new friends at University of Hawaii once I transferred there and things would be peaceful and happy. No chaos, no tornadoes. This was what I laid out in my mind in the months leading up to the move. Interestingly enough, I never did go back to Michigan. My “boring dorm-mate” packed up all my stuff and shipped it across the country to me (not sure I even thanked her). I barely even called a single person to say my goodbyes. As far as I was concerned, I had escaped a near tragic outcome back at college and fate had delivered me this amazing new life plan and I needed to stay focused on that, and not distract myself with any feelings of sadness, regret or remorse. I was a good person and just got off track but now I was back on the path to a successful college career and a great future in hotel management. I didn’t have time to waste with the people of my past, they were now irrelevant. This cavalier attitude towards people, places and things stayed with me for a long time. I had no ability to acknowledge my part in failed relationships or endeavors. I simply cut my losses and moved on, never even considering the effect it had on others, much less myself. Denial was the name of the game.

After moving to Hawaii many weeks passed, and then months, with a plethora of delays and exaggerated excuses about why I hadn’t transferred into the University of Hawaii. I was working full time and being productive so my parents just gave up asking about college after awhile. I was working as a restaurant server and worked mostly nights so that gave me the entire day to sit at the beach and relax. I was young so I figured that school could wait and I could take a semester or two off without it being a big deal. I had a job so it wasn’t like I was being lazy. Plus, I liked working in the restaurant business. It was kind of like a big family, with everyone hanging out together after work, meeting up at the beach during the day and hosting parties on the weekend. It didn’t take long for me to find the exact same type of crowd I had found in that freezing, boring, dull, lame town in Michigan. I was quickly developing the same chaotic lifestyle that I had promised would never happen again. I made a lot of excuses about the why of it all, but ultimately I decided that Hawaii just wasn’t for me. It was too slow paced and I was pretty sure that I had island fever. I could definitely relate to people complaining about that (even though they had lived there much longer than one year) and was pretty sure that I was only partying too much and getting into trouble because I was bored. There was just nothing else to do while living on an island. It was time to craft my next geographic move and I’d decided that the easiest way for me to get off the island would be to move back to Los Angeles and live with my grandma. She was always there for me and I knew she would help me get things sorted out, back in school and back on track. Hawaii was just a small detour but it wasn’t a big problem because it had barely been a year and I could easily move on and forget this time even existed. Once again, I manipulated the whole situation to everyone around me so that I could appear the victim, gain sympathy and ensure getting exactly where and what I wanted. It’s so clear to me now that I was a mastermind of lies, manipulation and deception, all stemming from my unwavering desire to feel different, better, happier, prettier, smarter, more important, special. What I failed to understand is that wherever I went, there I was. The problem wasn’t the place or the people. The problem was me. I was constitutionally incapable of being honest with myself though.  

So at the age of 19 I was back to my original hometown of Los Angeles. I hadn’t lived there since the age of 14 so it felt great to be back. Within one week I had re-connected with several old friends and was already feeling a million times better. Clearly, this was the solution. I just needed to be in a big city with a lot going on and plenty of stimulation so I didn’t get bored and restless again. I enrolled myself at the community college near my grandma’s house so I could get back to the original game plan of college, then career. I had now taken a year and a half off and it wasn’t so easy to motivate myself to get to class each day, especially when I was being invited to do far more entertaining things. After a few months, I wasn’t even attending a single class. I had found a new social circle and was out every single night. My running mate was a friend from the desert that I went to high school with that now lived in West Hollywood. She was pursuing a modeling career and was super connected with all of the club owners. We had a very busy schedule, going to a different club nearly every night, never having to wait in line and rarely having to pay for anything. My ego was so big at the time that I’m not really sure how it fit through the doors of all of those clubs. But make no mistake, it did. I partied to a whole different level than I had before and thought my life was near perfect. I had worked my way into a position as a makeup artist for photo shoots and modeling gigs. I made really good money for an uneducated 19 year old and thought I was able to manage a lifestyle that I really couldn’t afford, including rent and a car payment that were completely out of my budget. There are too many stories to tell about that year of my life, but the bottom line is that after 12 months my life was starting to spin out of control. This was a lot more serious than previous times though because I had more wreckage now. I was a little older and had more stuff, like bills and responsibilities, but more than that I had a big ego and a lot of pride. I wasn’t about to admit defeat and run home to my family, but I was desperately lost and unhappy. I had developed a small party habit (called drugs) along the way and was keenly aware that I needed a way out of my current living situation. And that’s when I met him, Husband Number One. 

I liked that this guy was different than the others I’d met and dated throughout the years. Born and bred on the streets of Brooklyn, he was not buying anyone’s bullshit, especially mine. I couldn’t manipulate him or pretend things were any different than they really were as he was too street savvy for that. I also liked that he had a very different circle of friends than mine, basically all Italian, and strong men with a strong opinion. They went to clubs sometimes but never partied like me and my friends. He was young but had strong convictions, morals and values, like honesty, loyalty and integrity. I gravitated towards these things, knowing that he could help me find my way back to a better reality than the one I was living. Less than 6 months after meeting, we drove from California to Texas to build a new future together and live near his parents who had just moved there. His parents had mirror image Christian beliefs and ideals to that of my parents. They were very kind and supportive, but encouraged us not to live together prior to marriage. So, without my parents knowledge, we got married in the living room of the Pastor’s home of the small church that we had been attending. I was 20 years old and now married to a 21 year old unemployed man that I hadn’t known even 9 months yet moved half way across the country with. I was really nervous to tell my mom what we had done but when I finally worked up the courage to, lets just say she was not happy. I don’t blame her. I was young and impervious, with a track record of concurrent bad decisions. It took awhile but things did smooth over as she realized that I was actually in a far more stable place, was working, going to church and completely void of any type of partying. I had finally settled down. Maybe all I needed this whole time was the right guy. I had definitely picked my share of the wrong guys and felt like that may have been the root issue. With a good man by my side, I should be happy and content. These were the messages I was telling myself. 

That’s not exactly how things went though. After a fairly short period of time, we both realized that he and I were like vinegar and oil. Two strong willed people from very different worlds that were too young and lacking in life experience to communicate effectively or cope with stress together. It was a constant battlefield with us blaming each other for all of our troubles. I will admit that I was doing most of the blaming. Everything that didn’t go according to my plan was his fault. I was an insolent brat, always complaining about what I didn’t have and what I wanted that he couldn’t provide for me. It was a fairly miserable existence I had created, but luckily one day things changed. I was pregnant. We found out that we were having a son and though nervous, we were both really excited. Our families were both very supportive and I was blessed to have a relatively easy pregnancy. Unfortunately we just didn’t seem to be able to build a successful life in Texas, and he constantly struggled to find his niche and join the workforce. I convinced him that the whole problem was the state of Texas and we just needed to get back to California, specifically San Diego. That friend that I moved to Michigan to go to college with lived there, had a wealthy family that owned a large company and she assured me that we could both have jobs. Just a few months pregnant and we were off on a new adventure (that’s what I called it), driving across the country again not even 2 years later. Geographic change was always my solution and this pattern of moving continued into the next decade of my life as well.

Shockingly, nothing I’d planned came to fruition in San Diego and we quickly ran out of money and time. With a baby arriving soon we needed stability and he desperately needed a job, so we broke the lease we had signed two months prior and moved to the desert to live with my parents that had just moved back from Hawaii. I had come full circle. It’s pretty amazing to think about the ground I’d covered in 4 short years since leaving my family home to go to college. Everything had turned out wildly different than I ever would have imagined. I had planned to go to college and graduate 4 years later. Instead I had dropped out of two schools, moved six times, got married and was soon having a baby. I had to swallow a lot of pride to walk back into my parent’s home. I am convinced that had it not been for the baby, I wouldn’t have mustered up the humility to ask for help. But I did and my parents welcomed us with open arms. My son Dominick was born August 1, 1995 just a few months after my 21st birthday. Nothing could have prepared me for how radically my life was going to change. The world no longer revolved around Amy, as I had a far greater concern and responsibility than just myself. There was endless love pouring out of me for this child though and I was determined to be a better parent than anyone had ever been. I was going to provide this child with a far more stable life than the one I’d created up to that point and it was time to get serious. Every time I held that baby I was even more motivated to get things moving in the right direction. Nothing mattered to me anymore except the safety, welfare and happiness of my son. He brought me infinite joy, even when nothing or no one could. (Even now, many years later, as I’m writing this I can feel my heart swell. There is truly no greater feeling in the world than that very first child. Dominick and I grew up together in many ways and I praise God everyday for him).

So on the outside things looked pretty good, but on the inside I was really struggling. Within a year of him being born, those old familiar feelings of restless, irritable and discontent had come back and were weighing heavily on my shoulders. I recall such tremendous feelings of guilt and confusion. Why did I feel like this when I had no real reason to? I should be content and happy with this precious child in my life, but instead felt worse as time went on and blamed my husband for everything. Thus the battle was back in session and this time nothing happened to change it. By the time Dominick was two, my husband had moved back to Texas and we had filed for divorce. I didn’t analyze what happened until many years later. I simply did what I had always done which was justify my behavior and find fault with everyone else but me. I always failed to see my part. I didn’t want to nor did I know how to. The only way I knew to function was in a complete state of denial. Many years later I learned just how cunning, baffling and powerful denial really is. But that is a story that comes much later....

Understanding Character Defects, Part One

The following is essentially a short story about my life and how I came to a place of self-discovery and embarked on a life-changing journey. It is a multi part series as it’s difficult to sum up one’s life within one Blog. This is Part One….

Reflecting back on my childhood I recall with extreme clarity the very essence of my behavior patterns. I was always restless, never content. I constantly wanted more, or different or what you had. I wasn’t fulfilled by anything. I wasn’t aware of why or what these emotions were at that time, only aware of what I felt like. I am now able to recognize that certain character defects were present from childhood. I believe they are inherent, not learned. I say this because my childhood was pretty easy, not too stressful or difficult. My parents divorced before I can remember and although my father struggled with the disease of alcoholism, I was pretty well shielded from that. The times that I visited him were always fine and I don’t really recall being aware of his disease in my adolescent years. His parents also bent over backwards to make up for any shortcomings he had so I’m sure that had a lot to do with my unawareness. Basically, my grandparents spoiled me rotten and I absolutely loved it! I grew up living primarily with my mother in an upper-middle class family that traveled a lot, went out to dinner often and shopped just about whenever it was requested. I certainly was not deprived of anything. Both sets of my parents were loving, encouraging and supportive. I had a lot of love surrounding me between divorced parents with new marriages, thus 2 families, two sets of adoring grandparents, and plenty of extended family to laugh and play with. It sounds pretty damn good, right? So, why then was I so discontent? This word, I have decided, is the best way to define my character as a child.

My mother was often exasperated through my school-aged years. I went to a private Christian school and was always getting scolded for talking too much or disturbing other children. She often told teachers just to give me more work. I was very bright and learning came easy to me so I would often finish assignments much quicker than others and would then start distracting my classmates. Some teachers took her advice so that she wasn’t constantly getting phone calls. However outside the classroom was a whole different ball game. I was very curious, mischievous and often rebellious. If someone was doing something they shouldn’t be I wanted to be involved too. I liked to test the boundaries and push the limits. Through middle school and high school I was constantly grounded for lying, ditching and breaking rules at school and home. At the time I was simply labeled as “rebellious”. The adults around me just couldn’t understand why I acted out this way. I was raised by Christian parents with Christian ideals, went to a Christian school from K-8th grade, attended church every Sunday and youth group every Wednesday night. These good Christian ideals, values and morals were drilled into me daily through all of these avenues since birth. Yet for some reason, I just didn’t want to follow the path and stay on the course that was laid out before me. It was frustrating to all, including me because I couldn’t really understand how I felt or what was going on inside my mind. 

I remember in my high school years being keenly aware that I was different then most of my friends. I knew that I was a trouble maker but I couldn’t exactly label my behaviors and I certainly couldn’t process the Why of it all. This clarity didn’t come until much, much later in my life. Thus, I struggled emotionally through the school years. Sure, I appeared to have it all figured out. I had stellar grades, was on the dance team, the cheer team, was part of the “popular” kids circle, had several boyfriends, a lot of girlfriends and was attractive enough not to get picked on or teased. Yet inside I was a real mess. I would overthink everything, worry about anything, complain incessantly, express gratitude almost never and basically lived in self-pity (though I didn’t label it as such). To summarize, I just wanted to be someone else. I wasn’t exactly sure who but I read a ton of books and looked through fashion magazines ad infinitum. I absolutely loved to read as a child and still do. I’m so grateful for this because it has allowed me to be a good student of many subjects and am able to study and read through complex materials with relative ease. My mother always encouraged reading and to this day, she shares her passion for books with my daughters and though she’s moved countless times, she never parts with her cherished library collection. Today reading is a lost art because of technology and social media. It makes me sad as I feel like reading saved me. I say this because it allowed me to escape my crazy head. Who knows what extra trouble I would have got into if I didn’t spend at least some of my extra-curricular time reading. 

Unfortunately, I found plenty of trouble with the time that remained and set myself up for a very rough departure into my college years. I had so little regard for following the rules that by the age of 16 my mother decided that I should go live with my father. He lived two hours away in Los Angeles but it felt like a world away. I was radically opposed to this but my mom was drained and out of ideas of how to reel me back in. With some professional therapy and guidance from church elders, it was suggested that I stay with her but that I didn’t return to school for my senior year. Instead, I was put on a fast track to graduate after one semester through an independent studies high school. I didn’t need many credits to skip grade 12 because I had done well in all of my honors classes the previous 3 years. This seemed like a great plan to me because the quicker I could graduate and move to college, the better. So that’s what I did. I moved to Michigan at barely 17 years old to attend a private liberal arts school that a childhood friend of my attended. She was a couple years older and we had very similar personalities. She liked to push the envelope just as much as I did so moving far away and living my dream life with her seemed like an amazing adventure. 

Adventure is certainly one way to describe it. A more accurate word for that time in my life would be DISASTER. I just couldn’t get it together. All of the emotions and frustrations that plagued me back at home, followed me to college. I hated my classes, didn’t like the professors, hated the weather, thought the girls there were lame, thought my dorm mate was a boring loser, couldn’t settle on which boyfriend would make me happier, didn’t have enough money, hated the food, the town and basically everything about the place I lived in. Basically, I had zero gratitude for anything and lived in a state of self-imposed misery. The world was against me. Why couldn’t everything just go the way I wanted? Why couldn’t people just behave like I wanted? ME, ME, ME ! That was truly all that I cared about. I distracted myself with plenty of partying and drinking just to pass the time. I didn’t want to admit failure and go back home, but I surely wouldn’t dare to ask for help or talk to someone about all of these crazy thoughts in my head. I recall a communications professor that took interest in me. He thought I was very bright and said he saw a lot of potential in my writing skills. When he spoke to me, I felt like he could see through me. He didn’t buy the fake front I put on that everything was bright and rosy. I don’t know how he knew but he did. He asked me to talk after class on several occasions and made an effort to extract more information from me. Looking back I think he was just an intuitive, kind soul that saw a very troubled soul and wanted to help. I didn’t let him of course and he was just the first of many more that tried to help me over the years.

See, the big problem was that I didn’t really think I had a “problem”. I thought you all did. Everyone else was doing everything wrong and making ME unhappy. However, because of how I was raised, I was aware that I was behaving badly and knew that I should be making better choices but I didn’t put a lot of thought into WHY. On the very rare occasion that I would allow myself to think about why, I simply came to the conclusion that I was a sinner and needed to ask God to forgive me. This is basically what I had heard countless times throughout my life , so it really was the only reasonable solution (in my mind) to my discontent existence. If only I went back to church maybe God would give me what I wanted, make sure others treated me the way I wanted and then I’d be happy. The problem was that I partied so hard every weekend that I couldn’t ever drag myself out of bed to get to church so I felt I was just destined to be unhappy.

I feel really sorry for the people closest to me back then. I hurt a lot of feelings and was useless as a friend, girlfriend, daughter, granddaughter or any other role I was supposed to fulfill. Things were all declining quickly by my sophomore year of college and I was desperate to figure out my next move. Luckily, Christmas break was nearing and I was scheduled to return home to the warm, sunny, perfect desert. If I played it right, maybe my parents would allow me to leave Michigan and all of the chaos I had created there. I was sure I could manipulate the details well enough to sway them. After all, they were unaware of the tornado I had created there so I could likely position things to make myself look like the victim and they would in turn feel sorry for me, scoop me up and bring me home. That was the plan.

Little did I know, that I was about to embark on a very different journey…

Common Sense Nutrition

 Typical for any professional that works in an industry that is riddled with confusion and contradictions, whenever I meet someone and they ask me what I do, the questions start pouring in. I know this is normal, so I’m not complaining. I actually find it quite amusing. I try to guess in my mind which of the common questions they will ask. I admit that I have fallen into this very same trap when I meet, let’s say, a Pediatrician. I try to slide a concern I have into the conversation very slyly. I have 4 kids so trust me , there’s always a question. I don’t want to be that person though. I mean, I know what it feels like. You’re at a dinner party just trying to relax and have fun on your one night out in 2 weeks and there you are stuck talking about your work all night..again! But it’s like I can’t help myself. There’s some kind of weird gravitational pull. This person has information that I want and need! I could make an appointment and go the traditional route, but why? I have instant access right now.  

So this explains why I am empathetic to the questions I’m asked everywhere I go about food, diets and nutrition. My profession revolves around a necessary commodity (food) and everyone wants to learn how to eat better, lose weight (as quickly as possible) or fight a food allergy. Speaking of food allergies, it’s quite baffling to me how the last 5 years has introduced nearly the entire population to a food allergy, namely gluten. Okay, yes, I am exaggerating, but only because it’s so common these days that it seems to have become the norm. I have explained many times in many forums the concept of a food sensitivity vs. a full blown diagnosed allergy. Yet I still hear, more often than not, that the person I’m speaking to is “allergic to gluten”.

   The reality is that this is a trendy topic right now. The media has put it front and center, portraying gluten as the bad guy and that omitting it from your diet is the miraculous solution to a multitude of issues. So the magic answer for many people is to simply cut gluten out of their diet. Wow..I wish it really was that easy. This goes in line with how things tend to be in our society today. “How little can I do but still get amazing results?”. Minimal effort with maximum results is the recurring theme that I encounter. “Do you think if I cut this one thing out, then everything will be good?”. No, I don’t think so, because the truth is that only a small percentage of us truly cannot consume gluten. For that narrow population, gluten free is important, actually vital, to their overall health and well being. For the rest of us, including me, we need not worry about it. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not a weight loss tactic or a “healthier” alternative. It’s simply an ingredient in food. I’ve researched extensively about this and consulted with medical and GI experts. I wanted to make sure I was on the right track before answering people, because this is definitely in the top 3 most common questions I’m asked, “Is gluten free better for you?”.

  Better for who, and better than what I always answer. Because the answer for some is yes, but for others, it’s no. There are too many variables and there’s no one right answer for the masses. For me, more information is always needed to form an educated opinion. What I do always make clear is that gluten free is not a “diet”. Cutting it out of your diet won’t make you lose weight. In fact, many gluten free products are loaded with calories. It may help you feel better...but it may not. Any book, expert or article out there that promises to be a cure all for the masses should be disregarded in my opinion. There’s no plan out there that is right for the entire population. We are all so different, in too many ways to detail. But the bottom line is this: One’s diet must be individualized in order to be sustainable, thus effective. What do I mean? Allow me to say this in a simpler manner because this is the best piece of advice I can offer. You should only follow a diet or eating plan that you can commit to for the long haul or it will not work. You may lose weight in the short term but will end up putting it right back on. This is precisely why so many of you out there are serial dieters, hopping from one plan to the next because most diets are so restrictive that they can’t be followed for more than a short period of time.  I’m always baffled by just how restrictive these fad diets are, with some omitting entire macronutrient categories. That’s just a fancy word for types of food, i.e. protein, carbohydrates and fats. An example of this is the Keto diet (another common topic I’m asked about) which allows absolutely zero carbohydrates. Now, how would this seem like a long term plan that anyone could follow? In my opinion, it’s just setting the dieter up for bitter defeat over the long term. Sure, you could follow it for a few weeks or possibly even months, but it won’t be your long term solution. Quite simply, it’s not sustainable which ultimately translates to gaining the weight back once you quit the plan. It’s not a lifestyle change. It’s just a diet. 

  There must be a better way, right? I believe the answer is emphatically YES. Where things tend to go awry is when the solution offered is the same for everyone. As I mentioned, nutrition must be individualized. It is absolutely impossible for the same diet to be good for every human across the board. Here is the simple truth: As with many things in life, the answer is simple but not easy. By “not easy” I mean that it will require a certain level of discipline. By “simple” I mean that the plan should not be highly restrictive, complicated, expensive or time consuming. Remember, the diet industry is a billion dollar industry. A lot of money is made banking on the fact that many of you will try countless diets looking for “the one”. I’m suggesting that there is no “one”. I simply cannot stress this point enough, there is no one size fits all model for everyone!  I wish the answer for everyone was cutting out one ingredient like Gluten. But it’s not. If you really want to learn what’s best for your body, then commit to the journey, knowing that you ultimately need to make a lifestyle change, not just try another “diet”. There really is no quick fix to optimal health and nutrition, and although someone can guide you, only you can take the first step! You are the master of your body and can take charge anytime you choose. No one should feel powerless. The resources are there, you just have to use some common sense and ask a professional that you trust to point you in the right direction. You can do it!

If you are ready to make that change and need further direction, I’d be happy to help you. Please drop me an email: amy@teamhargett.com

An Attitude of Gratitude

This was written on March 9, on my flight home from Austin…

   On my return flight home from Austin, Tx after a much needed 5 day reprieve from the hustle bustle that is my life, I sit here blissfully content. I am full from all of the amazing food we searched out in Dallas and Houston (time ran short in Austin), and of course from our two stops  at Buc’Cees. If you haven’t heard of this place then let me just be the first to tell you that it is quite the experience. It’s like a massive truck stop but with delicious BBQ, rows upon rows of freshly baked goods, a gourmet Fudge counter and a vast assortment of their privately labeled snack foods that include endless varieties of house made beef jerky and of course the iconic snack and my personal favorite called featured Beaver Nuggets. Once you put a handful of the Sea Salt Caramel nuggets in your mouth, you will not be able to stop until the bag is at least half way gone. They are that addictive. The closest way to describe them would be a hybrid of Pirate’s Booty, Caramel Corn and Kick’s cereal. I’m not really doing it justice but there is really nothing else like it so that’s the best I can do. You really just have to go there yourself. 

 In addition to my food coma that has me feeling perfectly content, I also have total mental contentment and inner peace that is the result of overwhelming gratitude for the blessings in my life. I have EVERYTHING and I was reminded of this very fact while listening to a Jiu Jitsu legend, Joao Gabriel, who is also a cancer survivor talk about this very subject (I have a recording if you’re interested). I have a husband whom is also my best friend, four healthy children that I adore, a loving, supportive and helpful family and a multitude of friends that I can count on. I have all of this and if I don’t have an attitude of gratitude then the problem is me. This is not to say that I don’t occasionally get myself in a funk, but on a daily basis I try to make being grateful a standing character asset. Trust me, this is not my nature. This is something I have learned and trained myself to do. It has taken time, diligence and patience to turn my negative thinking into something positive, something that I can now count on as an asset, not a defect of character. This is a skill and a daily practice. It is the thing I am most grateful for because it has provided me with a new way of life. Many people walk around in a state of unhappiness or frustration for no justifiable reason. Life simply doesn’t go their way and they will resent it till the day they die. For many, these resentments turn into anger and life is a daily uphill battle with no sliver of hope or happiness. Believe it or not, I can identify with this. I can see how after time, if you haven’t changed your way of thinking then the mind would slowly take you into a dark abyss of self pity. 

Today I strive to help others that struggle with some of these shortcomings. For some people it’s blatantly obvious while in others I just sense it. I believe whole heartedly in the saying,” Give it away to keep it”. If I want to maintain a happy heart and a grateful attitude then I must display and convey these character traits to those around me. The struggle is real and I have found a solution. It is my responsibility to share it with others. Changing your way of thinking is simple, but not easy. It requires discipline to catch yourself going to the negative side and consciously redirecting the mind to gratitude. We all have a choice but often we are just lazy. It does take a bit of mental energy to stay on the right path. We have so many traps surrounding us disguised as social media and “news”. Thus, generally my first suggestion to those that feel weighed down by life and mentally exhausted is to limit or stop your exposure to social media. Not forever…just while you are learning and developing the skill of mental awareness. If there is time to kill in your daily schedule, adopt some more productive habits like reading, writing in a journal or keeping a daily gratitude list, or better yet, helping and being of service to those around you that need it. The easiest place to start this is in your home or workplace. Often times, the ones we like or care about most, we treat the worst. This certainly doesn’t serve any of us well or lay the foundation for a rewarding marriage, friendship or career. One thing always on my daily gratitude list is my husband. When I think of him, I smile and that makes me happy. 

Sitting next to Steve on this flight, I am reminded of just how good we have it. I see and hear about miserable couples all of the time that have lackluster marriages and unfulfilled needs. Not us! This isn’t just because we are lucky though. We both have put a lot of work into training our minds and developing character traits that better us, not for each other but for ourselves. I need to be at my best in order to be the kind of wife I want to be, and the same goes for him. If one of us is struggling, the other can lift them up and tow the line until things settle down. It is not enough to love someone. I believe that you need to like them also and in order to like someone I need to respect them and completely trust them. This is ultimately why my most inner circle is comprised of few and that is okay. This is one area of my life that is very simple and uncluttered. When I am down or struggling with something I know precisely where to go. I am so blessed that one of the places I can go is right into the arms of my man. We are life partners in every aspect including both work and home. We share goals and dreams and try to inspire each other to learn and grow even if at times it’s uncomfortable. I mean, really, how fortunate am I to be sitting next to this handsome man that I love, like, respect and trust who is reading a book at this very moment called “Stillness is the Key” while I’m enjoying a piece of Heath Toffee Fudge from our pre-airport stop at Buc-Cees. Life is good! It is so good and I am so grateful. I am perfectly content at this very moment in time and that’s really all I have ..this moment. Today is the only day I need to concern myself with. If I keep reminding myself of this it keeps me out of fear, worry or regret. 

What I’d like to leave you with now is the idea that you CAN control how you feel, you CAN change your character defects, you CAN discipline your mind and you CAN find contentment. You can do all of these things through the daily practice of gratitude. Try keeping a list for 30 days. When you wake up in the morning list at least 5 things you are grateful for, and before you go to sleep at night do the same thing. Develop the habit of steering your mind to a productive and positive place when you both start and end your day. Discipline yourself to do this daily and notice how your perspective of things changes. Start with this small task and build from here. I would love to hear any feedback you have. There is no reason not to start this practice right away. It doesn’t cost anything, nor is it time consuming. I know some of you reading this are just “sick and tired of being sick and tired”. All of us must start with a small step in order to make a change. It is simple but not always easy,. so rely on someone that you can count on when you are struggling. If you don’t have that person, then use me. I am more than willing to offer encouragement to those in need. I know that the struggle is real and I am here to “trudge the road to a happy destiny” with you!

Please email me if you need some help right now, amy@teamhargett.com

Acceptance is the Answer

Last time I went into the “why” of the way I live my life. I want and I don’t want specific things and because of this I do specific things. This is just an example of actions dictating outcomes. I love something I heard years ago from a woman I really admired. She said, “ If you want what I have, then do what I do.” Sounds simple enough. But as we all know simple isn’t always easy. I have put a lot of work into remodeling my life. I have a long way to go but I’m proud of the direction I’m headed. There are a few specific behaviors that govern the way I live my life today. Let’s dive into what I feel is the most important one: Acceptance.

Most of you have heard this concept before; you just have to accept that you can’t control people, places and things. There it is in a nutshell, the secret to a more peaceful life. We have all put acceptance into practice at various times in our lives. But that’s just it, how often do you do this? Some of the time, most of the time, rarely, never? Let’s be brutally honest. The bulk of our population operates in a manner that displays the polar opposite of acceptance. There is so much conflict, strife and unnecessary stress in our world today. A lot of it really just boils down to someone not being able to accept something. 

None of us have the power to change the overall course of our lives. We can make good choices and decisions that will positively effect the direction we head, but we can’t do anything to change the big stuff. If you don’t believe there is a power greater than yourself then you may not buy into what I’m saying. For those of you that do, keep reading, because I’m going to talk about hope. We all need hope to propel us forward, to keep us moving. Acceptance brings us to a place of hope. If you can wholly accept something, you can then have hope for a certain outcome. The alternative is not being in acceptance and living your life in resentment, anger, guilt, sadness, or a host of other emotions that don’t serve any of us well. 

Six and a half years ago I was exposed to a life changing program. It wasn’t by choice but it ended up saving my life and changed me forever. I accepted that I needed help and hope allowed me to stay committed each day. I learned a lot about myself and was forced to take a hard look at my behavior patterns and track record of poor decisions. One thing that really stood out was my inability to accept people, places and things (mostly people). Historically I was just used to getting my way and when I didn’t I went into a tailspin. Ultimately I couldn’t accept things because I was selfish and arrogant. I could sugar coat it and label it differently but let’s just call it like it is. I thought my way was the best way and didn’t care what your way was. The reality is that acceptance often requires humility. I love the way I heard humility defined years ago as teachable. That sums it up, I was not teachable. 

So how exactly did I start accepting things and start to live life differently? The answer is quite simple; I made a choice. We can choose how we react to things, how we feel and how we behave moving forward, regardless if we like or agree with what we accept.  I was so tired of being irritable, restless and discontent that I was willing to make different choices. “Would you rather be happy or right”? I love this. I use this phrase all of the time. These days I choose to be happy. I don’t need to prove to anyone that I’m right because that’s just my ego. I would rather avoid all of the needless arguments and stress that used to engulf my life. It’s not easy all of time and I often have to bite my tongue, but it gets easier because I do it more often than not. Making the same choices day after day ends up becoming a habit, good and bad. As I said earlier, choices dictate outcomes so it’s important to choose the easier, softer way which is called acceptance. If you choose to accept things as they are, I guarantee that you will have a far better outcome most of the time.

I read a book many years ago called “Choose Happiness” by Jeffrey Zahn in which he speaks about happiness being an internal choice, not an external condition. I love this and I feel acceptance is the same. It’s a choice and the choice dictates what internal condition we place ourselves in. I’m going to assume that most of us prefer peaceful conditions. I know I sure do! Well, the answer is acceptance. It will allow to you maintain internal peace even when external things are completely out of your control!

The Simple Answer

I get asked the same question often enough that lately I’ve put more thought into the answer, with the intention that my answer might be helpful to others or at least portray that I’m not just being sarcastic or rude. Sometimes when the answer is short it seems abrupt or harsh which is absolutely not my intention.

 The question is “How do you do it all?”. The person asking has often just discovered that in addition to my already crazy life, I am also the mother to 4 children, three of which are age 7 and under.  

Now, the simple answer to the question is, “I have to”, sometimes accompanied by “what choice do I have?”. This may seem funny or rude, insincere or calloused, sarcastic or matter of fact. To me it’s just logical. I mean, at the end of the day I do have to get it all done, unless I’m willing to be complacent. I could, of course, take a few things off my plate but that would make me a quitter and that just isn’t me. I feel inspired to create a legacy and that just takes hard work. I have to do it all because I WANT it all. I want to be a nurturing mother and have a big family. I want to be a supportive wife. I want to be a kick ass entrepreneur and leader to my team. I want to be the best version of myself that is learning and developing daily. I want to make a difference!

I do it all because there are things I DON’T want also. I don’t want to be another failure of a parent whose children are undisciplined brats that resent them well into their adult life. I don’t want to be in an unfulfilling marriage. I don’t want to work for anyone, or be just another employee in a big corporation. I don’t want to be complacent or mediocre with an attitude of indifference.

This is a real mouthful of an answer though, especially to someone I don’t know well. But I could come up with a better answer then “I have to”. I think the answer is still simple though. I do it all because “I love the challenge”! My life is anything but dull. Every day is unique and entertaining, some of course more than others. There are good days and not so good days, but rarely what I would call a BAD day. There are challenges, hardships and frustrations but that’s just life. I love getting to the other side of those things. Each time I learn a new lesson, and discover a better way of handling something. I am a big believer in conflict making you a better person. You can’t learn and develop without some hardship. 

I know that not everyone has the current disposition to juggle all of the things I juggle, but I think anyone could, with the help of some simple tools. I have been fortunate enough to have a powerful influence in my life that has molded me into a much better version of myself than I was before. I am convinced that if everyone learned some of the tools I’ve learned to use, we would have a less stressful, happier existence. Thinking about this question led me down this path of discovery. It made me realize that my answer could make a difference to someone. If I can positively influence even one person, I’m further on my way to creating a legacy. I want to be an example for my children of a strong woman that made right choices because they were right, not because they were easy. 

If you’re looking for a different way of navigating through life because your current way isn’t serving you well, then check back weekly as we discuss more about this subject, as well as many others.

One Day at a Time..

One day at a time. We all hear it, especially in this crazy busy world we live in. We are constantly reminded to be mindful, try meditation, be present, stay in the now. But that’s just not as easy as it sounds,( I’m sure all of you mothers out there can relate). We are bombarded with lists, tasks, errands, chores, requests, and more! Whether you’re a mother or not, I’m sure you can relate to this constant hamster wheel I’m referring to. I know each day can be challenging but as we all know time flies, especially with your children, so even when your day is beyond crazy try to appreciate something it offers and slow down enough to enjoy it. If it’s your kids causing you the most stress, try to remember that the sweet stages of childhood are over all too quickly. I know this because my first child is already 24 and the years passed by so fast! Recollecting back to that time, it was certainly easier raising one child and having a traditional job, versus my current status of 3 children (7 and under) and owning my own business. Life wasn’t nearly as hectic but it didn’t matter because I was much younger and lacked life experience. I was really ill equipped to cope with stress AT ALL and didn’t have any gratitude. When I reflect on my 20’s I’m honestly in awe that I somehow managed through that daily anxiety I felt, always worrying about the future and never living in the now.

These days, I really do my best to take it one day at a time because it’s too overwhelming if I let my mind get too far ahead of me. I've learned that I have absolutely no control over the future anyway, so it's a waste of time to try to script things according to my own master plan. I simply have to accept things as they are each and every day. This isn’t easy but it is a choice and I choose to accept my circumstances instead of fighting them. I’ve learned through some dark times and a lot of pain that I am not in control of anything, except how I choose to respond to things. Now, don’t get me wrong, I want to control everything and everybody, but I discovered long ago that I can’t and trust me I tried for a couple of decades! Through a lot of hard work, self discovery and a willingness to take direction from others, Iv’e learned how to behave. Today I can usually catch myself when I’m headed in the wrong direction. Self-awareness is by far one of the biggest gifts I have received and it keeps me from getting into too much angst or worse yet, regret.

Most of my life I had no self-awareness whatsoever, so I was constantly trying to run the show and was oblivious to the tornado I was causing in my life. I have learned the hard way that my way is not the only way, nor is it the best way. It’s been the hardest lesson for me to learn to rely on and trust others (this is humility) and I truly appreciate the people in my immediate circle that I collaborate with, trust and listen to. I've learned to respect the power in numbers. We have to utilize those people to help us make the best decisions possible and to be accountable to.

Gratitude, Acceptance, Self-awareness, Humility, Service.....these are all tools I have learned to use from the wise people around me. Ultimately my goal each day is to be a little bit better than the day before and to handle challenges with grace and humor. As it's been said before, life is too short. So if you have a bad day, shake it off and try a little better the following day. No need to dwell on it because you can't go back in time. "It is what it is". I love the simplicity of that statement. I rely on things like this, short phrases and simple concepts that help me stay on track and I feel it’s my duty to pass them along. We can't mentally or spiritually evolve if we aren't constantly learning and then trying to pass it along to others. I would hope that is the goal for many of us; to be of service to those around us. The absolute fastest way to get over things that are bothering you (get out of self) is to help someone else!

So if I can help any of you reading this, then it’s a success in my mind. We can do this together, One Day at a Time. The journey towards serenity awaits (my husband told me to be sure to let him know when I find it). I'll be sure to let you all know too! Until then, let’s keep trudging the road to a happy destiny together.